Seriously, look up pukeko (swamp hen for you non- middle-earthers) and takahe.

One is just a fat version of the other.

It honestly blows my mind. Imagine if there were a different subset of humans called GLORKS or something. And they were just overweight people. You could just gain a bunch of weight, and try to deflect criticism from strangers by saying “IM A GLORK DICKHEAD.” Of course your friends and family know you’re not a damn GLORK, so you’d have to fake your own death, disguise yourself and start life anew as a GLORK living in the inner city as a dock worker.

Honestly, it would probably be easier to download a macro-tracking app.

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